From Rock-bottom

11406936_1003407143005732_4710852249529815688_nSo I went to Buma Rocks! (international conference and showcase festival for loud music) today for the subjects that were up for discussion. Completely solo, which takes some effort, since I’m jumping into a place where I don’t know a lot of people yet. That did not matter, though, because I did it for me. My main reason was to get inspired all over again and to learn. I did meet some people, but must say I’ve got the weird feeling as if I’m starting all over again after quitting my studies. Like a rookie, first class! But hey, everyone once was. Despite that feeling I learned there is nothing wrong with my skills (apparently I can sell what’s considered substandard) and judgment. Only thing is that I have to learn to trust my gut-feeling sooner and more often. There are no reasons to doubt myself and prolong any projects I don’t believe in anymore out of kindness. (Where I did, I took the consequences like a man!) Most of the time I’m making the right calls, but believing that I do, is something to work on!
If there was one thing headlining it was that your passion is fundamental for everything. It’s that what spreads to others and is felt by others, making them believe in something.
It’s funny how that’s ever true. I remember I lost interest in certain (music related) things when the passion in creating faded away. If I am passionate about anything it is creating. God, you’ll probably get bored by how often you’ll read or hear this from me! It is true, though. I could go a thousand miles for those who give me that energy; I’ll slack off when this energy dissappears.
For now, knowing I can trust my own judgments more than I realized, is all I needed for today. It was an ok start after a crappy period. I feel no need to rush things overnight. I rather enjoy this journey with a clean slate as beginning. This is an opportunity to decide for myself what I really want to know (which can also be fuel for my upcoming thesis in January) and determine who to ask. It does feel weird to start off completely blanc again, reinventing yourself and your future to sort out how you want to represent yourself again. *Sudden thought while I’m writing: this almost sounds like a midlife crisis :’D, but it’s me constantly reflecting.
Frankly, today I had no clue for myself.  Did I attend as student? A booker? A manager? Accountmanager or projectmanager?
At least is was me, Mo, with loads of passion and in search of inspiration.
I haven’t stayed until the showcase unfortunately, but if we’re talking about gut-feeling: something told me to go home. It was a good call. Due to heavy weather there were almost no trains headed to Rotterdam. It took me almost 5 hours to get home, going from Nijmegen to Arnhem, Utrecht, Amsterdam, Leiden, Den Haag, Delft and finally Rotterdam. Did you know it takes just 3 hours to drive across our country?
Being irritated would not help me get home faster, so after some complaining and some T-Rex like roaring I used my time to make a draft of this post. Drivers licence, once you’ll be mine! Thanks Public Transportation for motivating me once again.

[Edit] the aftermovie

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