Wednesday break: Rejection, loss, music, empowerment, study

Two weeks have passed between my last journal and today’s. Lot’s of different things going on in this week, so I won’t cover everything. I’ll write about the good, the bad, ugly, but also where I find empowerment.

The vicious circle of rejection

My thursday after the last writing break started out pretty good actually. I had a great day hanging around and cooking with my best friend. I was already preparing fort he shoot of Transient State’s videoclip too. Besides that I was still looking out for news from a traineespot in copywriting and online marketing. Remember me talking about being really busy? I was working on presenting my skills!

News finally came a day later that I’d be send into the weekend with bad news. Yes, same old, same old. It turns out even to be a trainee in a learning environment I lacked the word most of us young graduates fear: ‘experience’. Well, did that suck a**. Butt. I mean butt.

Doubt, anxiety, drama! I’m not gonna lie. The more rejections you receive with the same reason that is given almost everywhere, the more likely you just wanna put it on hold for a moment. You start wondering if there any companies left who truly dare to invest. Don’t we all learn on the job?

It didn’t last too long. I’m at it trying again, again and again. Honestly, sucking it does!

Sparks of music

Luckily I had a great day the Saturday after. It was finally time to shoot that clip! Getting somewhere with a band always makes me happy. From nothing to something, seeing it happen through the day is a great feeling.

Working with music always makes me happy, like cooking for others does and cooking I did. It was great, it truly was (sorry could’nt leave that one out :’) after seeing it). Nothing brings more empowerment than some metal. Right? Right? :p

Friend and cameraman Koen did a great job and I cant wait to see the final result! Check out his work!

Empowerment by memo’s and selfstudy

Mirror, mirror on the wall

WHO IS THE MOST POWERFULL OF THEM ALL? Mwuhahahahaa! No seriously. Powermemo’s for empowerment on your mirror work. You walk by them quite some times during the day and I don’t know about you, but I look at the mirror when I wake up. Who’s that scarecrow, huh?

I’ve written down all the things I don’t want myself to forget and lines that prove the opposite of my own myths. “You CAN do it” at times you think you can’t, can help more than you’d think.

Selfstudy nerd

Unfortunately I can’t afford it at the moment to just do unpaid internships, start a new study or even short courses. What I do have is people around me and a huge amount of motivation to learn every day.

Give and take

Starting now I’ll be spending time with a coworker who will teach me at least the basic I need to know in photography. Helping me out means you’ll always get something in return. Besides good company we’ll figure out in what way I can be of service to her!

Since my interest in online marketing and writing have only been growing and music will never leave my heart I made a proposal to the founder of dutch online platform Ragherrie (Dutch lovers of metal, be sure to check it out!) to exchange some knowledge and more (:

I always believe working together will get you where you want eventually.


At the moment I’m at lesson 22 of the 89 for a certificate in online marketing, which will add to my cv beautifully next to my other courses. Any suggestions for certificates that will improve my skills and cv when it comes to marketing and communication?

Writing skills!

Since the feedback on my writing for the traineeship had nothing to do with quality but lack of experience I’m looking for writing opportunitues to build that experience. I might be worth your time eventually, because I ALWAYS give back.
So I’m still looking for someone who’s willing to invest some time in me, working on SEO writing for instance and writing in general!


In loving memory

Full of confidence I started learning and gaining experience on my own. Sunday I spend a good part of the day on selfstudy and afterwards I had some drinks with corworkers to close the day.
Getting home in a really good mood I didn’t expect to lose a great part of my life.

My best friend, allthough for some of you ‘just an animal’, passed away unexpectedly. For almost 5 years we sticked together day and night, like old granny’s. Hèze, my cat, and I were extremely attached to eachother. During my difficult times alone she has always been my best buddy, but also the regular days. She always waited for me to come home by the door and pretty much wouldn’t leave my side untill I left the house again. Always better together.

I miss the snoring sound next to my head and the happiness for coming home. I already miss her sitting on my keyboard or blocking my view when watching series together. I miss the second person in my bed when sleeping, better capable of comforting me than many person.

After grief it will be time to recharg my power again. Going on, trying again.


I ended my wednesday night with a lot of love in a small lounge. I had not done a live performance since 2012, but made it happen with the help of my vocal coach . My week started a bit rough, but looking at the people who showed up for me at this recital I feel there’s a lot to be thankful for. Talking about empowerment!

Allthough it isn’t much, the small crowd contributed to the Refugee Foundation. Every tiny bit helps.

It might not have been on a stage, but I’m a step closer to striping ‘performing on stage’ off my list.

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